Uniquely Inspirational

No Matter How Small

By Celeste Blissett

 “When you pass through the waters
I will be with you;

and when you pass through the rivers,
    they will not sweep over you.
When you walk through the fire,
    you will not be burned;
    the flames will not set you ablaze.
For I am the Lord your God,
    the Holy One of Israel, your Savior..”  —-Isaiah 43:2-3a (NIV)

“How can we love something that’s so small, so much?” My husband asked as we sat on the carpet, my arms around him while tears rolled down my face. He held onto me tightly and pulled me closer. I could feel his tears falling on my neck.

His question echoed in my mind. How can we love something that’s so small, so much?

“I don’t know,” I cried, “but whatever it is, it must be the love God feels for us. It’s a godly love…”

To any other person that has never been in our shoes, we were crying over an embryo that was lost at 6.3 weeks gestation.

To us, however, we were grieving for our baby. Our tiny, innocent baby that never did anything wrong. A baby that was wanted, prayed over, and loved dearly for 3 beautiful weeks. A baby we imagined bringing into this world. A baby that would be rocked in our little beige glider. A baby that would be named and spoiled with love. A baby, that at just 6 weeks, had a tiny, flickering, yet strong heartbeat just the day before.

Our baby, that we created.

A beautiful life.

As we sat there, two broken spirits, devastated by the news of losing our tiny baby, we felt the heart-rendering pain God must have felt when he watched his Son die. We felt the pain God must feel when He watches his tiny world, his tiny creation, suffer. It was in that moment I understood what it means to have true, parental love; to love something, even if it seems insignificant, with all our hearts. How many times have we, ourselves, felt insignificant, and yet God loved us deeply anyways? Yet, even when we feel small, God looks at us as if we were bigger than life itself. He loves us more than life itself. I understood that, in that moment.

When you get pregnant, especially in this day and age, you find out there are so many apps you can download to help keep track of your pregnancy and tell you something new about your baby each day. It’s amazing to me that by 5 weeks, just a week after I found out I was pregnant, Baby B had a developing heart. Not quite pumping, but growing. Once you start tracking your baby’s development, you start getting so excited about each and every milestone. Knowing that our tadpole-like alien baby was already growing so quickly and becoming more and more human-like made me wonder how people cannot see a developing embryo as a growing human being. I mean, it had a fully functioning heartbeat by 5 and a half weeks.  I just couldn’t imagine our baby being anything else but our baby.

CC's belly at 6wks 2019Thinking of this made me think of the Bible scripture of how God knew us as we were forming in the womb. All I can think about is how much God already knew about our baby. Perhaps he knew our baby would suffer, and that’s why he so quickly took it home. Perhaps he knew the baby could not live outside the womb, and could not stand to put such an innocent life through so much pain. These are the thoughts I can only cling onto in order to understand why? But in the end, the why does not matter. What matters is how we cope with the pain. Where we go with our grief. What can we do with our story. With my story, I want to tell you something. No matter how small a baby is, God loves that baby.

No matter how small you think your prayers are, God still cares.

No matter how small you think your pain seems compared to the rest of the world, God still weeps with you.

No matter how small your situation may seem, God  is invested in it, and ready to fight at your side.

No matter how small you feel, God loves you more than you could ever understand.

That is something my husband told me, they day I started spotting. I cried on the bathroom floor, imagining every worse possible scenario.  Joseph took me into his arms, and said.

“Celeste, do you love this baby?”

“Of course I do.”

“Do you think God loves this baby?”

“Yes.”

“Do you know that God loves this baby even more than you do, even more than I do, even more than you can imagine?”

I paused. I couldn’t imagine such a love. I nodded my head.

“He loves this baby more than us, and he cares for this baby more than we can understand. Do you think with that great love, God would want to protect our baby and give it the best possible outcome?”

Yes.

Even if the best outcome was hard for us to understand, we have to trust that no matter how small, our baby meant the world to Jesus Christ. The baby was His creation, as much as it was ours.

So friends, I leave you with these thoughts. I hope you don’t weep for us, but know that in every situation, God cares more than you can possibly understand. He cares about the biggest heart, to the very tiniest heart beating for life. He cares about the strongest, as he cares about the weakest. He loves the bold, as much as he loves the fearful. God loves us with a burning, sacrificial, and ardent love.

No matter how small.

Uniquely Inspirational

Heartbeat of Life

 A woman giving birth to a child has pain because her time has come; but when her baby is born she forgets the anguish because of her joy that a child is born into the world.  — John 16:21 NIV

Hearing the heartbeat is the most amazing thing in the world. It is like opening this giant window into a deep, mysterious, dark room. The light just flows right through in such a wave that it not only brings a ray of light, but the whole room becomes something different. It looks different. You see things that you never knew were there before. Your heart leaps and you find yourself dancing with the sun rays. That is how it feels to hear the heartbeat of the child you carry, regardless of his/her size. You can breath and respond to the beat… a song of life. They say you can also hear the heartbeats of puppies in their mother’s womb, the unborn calf, the unborn lamb, the unborn colt, but nothing compares to a human heartbeat for bringing joy.

I remember those moments, the first moments I heard each and every one of my girls’ hearts beat. If I was a musician, I would have composed a song. If I was a poet I would have written a sonnet. If I was an artist I would have painted a masterpiece. If I was a dancer I would have danced with grace. But I was a mother, and I did what mothers do. I created tears of joy, mixed with a smile and a dream. I never new what mezmorizing power hearing that beat would have on me. If I didn’t believe there was life within, I certainly knew at that moment. My heart overwelmed my mind and I began to love that sound.

I suppose that there are some who feel the same way about their pets, animals, trees, or the environment, but that life is “small” in comparison. Because those types of life are not “persons.” I agree with Dr. Seuss and Horton, “A person’s a person no matter how small.” In fact, the heartbeat of those others cannot compare to the soft happy tune of the heart of the baby you carry. The reality of what is to come sinks in. I understand, that to some, this creates fear, worry, anger, realization, and yet to most it is pure JOY. Maybe that is the reason why many fear to “hear” the heartbeat. Maybe that is the reason why they refuse to even hear it when they have come to the conclusion they do not want the child.

To an unborn child, fear is his/her enemy. It is what keeps many women in the dark. And so, they keep the blinds shut in fear that if they open, even a sliver, they will see what they don’t want to see. It is, after all, their choice to keep it close. Yet they forget that regardless of their choice the sun will eventually always shine.

quote-about-newborn-cute-image-5a885921

You see, we can’t keep the heart from beating, it is a reminder of life. It is a reminder that every choice we make has the opportunity to give life, either to ourselves or others. Daring to hear that heartbeat is the first step in reminding us that there is life. It reminds us that we are living, and thus we can bring life, we can, in a sense give it. It is the gift that God gave women. It is what separates us from the earth, animals, plants and so on, the ability to choose to hear, carry and bring about that unique life that is in us. That is the power of life. What a tremendous gift we have. What unique and powerful gift. Our bodies can produce life. Not just any life, but life created to be the image of God.

As I heard those heartbeats long ago, I am overwhelmed by the uniqueness of each. I feel those heartbeats, I see their hearts beating in my mind. I brought them to this world. I carried them. I fought for them. I choose to keep their hearts beating. Nothing else would do for the innocent child who’s heartbeat reminds me of my living. Thank you God for the awesome unique gift to me and all women, to give life.

heartbeat of life at 16 weeks

Uniquely Inspirational

The Problem with “Dreams”…

“I know the plans I have for you,” announces the Lord. “I want you to enjoy success. I do not plan to harm you. I will give you hope for the years to come.”  –Jeremiah 29:11 (NIRV)

Over 20 plus years ago I stepped onto the grounds of Southern Nazarene University. Little did I know that during my years of study there my life would change, my experiences would shape me, events would break me and God would rebuild me.

I went in with the illusion and dream, as many high school grads have… that I knew what I wanted to be. I thought I knew what would become of me after my studies. I had my life planned out. I pretty much had my priorities all down. I had a car, and a job, and now I had a pathway to my future. I was in a great university, and so far, people liked me. Everything would be great. I would get a B.A.  in Religion with a Psychology Minor, maybe add on theater… I would find the most amazing, handsome and God-loving 6 foot tall “Superman” I could during that time. We would get married right after I graduate. W’d move to the mission field in some other country, have our children there, 4 of them, and live happily ever after.

Yeah…NOPE! That did not happen…

I did get my B.A. in Religion though, and did marry a shorter, but not so perfect version of “Superman.”  But that is all that went along with my plan. Within the grounds of the university I found passion in Mission Studies that replaced the minor in Psychology, and I even saw the opportunity to get a second minor in Spanish. I responded to those changes with glee… but then…

walking on old rails
Walking on old rails laid down in Thailand by the Japanese

I got derailed…

My life got derailed…

It wasn’t all for the bad… for God had other plans for me within the events of my life and maybe even as a response to the “tragic times” of them. Little did I know that God would create a pathway that would carry me in different directions.

Between my junior year and senior year I lost my Mother to cancer. I was more than heart broken. I was lost and walked through a tunnel for months. My studies had already suffered as she had been in the hospital during my sophomore year, and this was worse than that. I thought to myself, as my 4th year began, why should I continue them now? I can’t even focus! I had amazing professors and a fiancee who believed in me and helped me get through that year. I got married during the final year, right after Christmas. And we began a life completely off my plans. We entered the pastoral ministry in the USA. “Surely this is temporary…” I thought to myself…

Yeah… NOPE…. it wasn’t

So my plan, that I had envisioned, that I had laid out, didn’t go well. I was now more derailed than ever…

I was wrong. I was so wrong. God had taken aspects of me and re-molded me to do far more than I thought I could. He taught me to find a new “plan” regardless of the different pathways our life took us through. God worked within our derailment and placed us in different rails that would still work within His Plan. And the more control of our lives we gave God, the more interesting, exciting and new pathways He would provide. It became God’s “good, pleasing and perfect will” for us.

“Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will.”   —Romans 12:2 (NIV)

In the process of it all I wound up working in my mission field here in the USA. Not what I planned or dreamed of, but it was God’s plan and dream ultimately. He opened the doors when others closed some, and kept us moving us forward through life. Through experiences that where great, to the painful ones, God kept rebuilding, strengthening us and placing new rails towards new destinations that we never thought of.

We have ministered in the middle of nowhere, to small towns, small cities, large cities. inner-city areas, multi-cultural areas and more.  I have learned the differences within the American/White culture as much as I have learned the differences within the minority cultures. I have experience a life that was not even, remotely, close to my dreams.

As I look back at that excited, perfectly planned, determined and dreamy girl… I can only smile and see still all those characteristics even today.

New things still excite me, I still plan, this time knowing that it will change. I am still determined, and I still dream. The difference is that I rely on God more than ever to create my pathway, to set my rails down according to His will. Then I get on His path and pray that there is no derailing. And even if there is, God will place us back on track.

Life goes on… as God creates unique pathways in our lives that may not be what we expect but we ride with willingly.  For we have accepted that our lives may not be “happy ever after” but it will be unique and full of JOY, LOVE, GRACE and more. For we ride on the rail of Life that God has placed before us, regardless how odd, difficult or painful some of these stopping grounds will be. In exchange you never know how often an amazing and unique that journey will be as you ride on the rails of God’s will.

So, sit back an enjoy the ride. Let God lay your rails down for they will be unique just for you. Let go of your plans and let God be in control. You will be amazed at the unique journey you take when you are in His will.

We were also chosen to belong to him. God decided to choose us long ago in keeping with his plan. He works out everything to fit his plan and purpose.  We were the first to put our hope in Christ. We were chosen to bring praise to his glory.” –Ephesians 1:11-12 (NIRV)

Uniquely Inspirational

I Am a Cloud

“I think I will be able to, in the end, rise above the clouds and climb the stairs to Heaven, and I will look down on my beautiful life.” –Yayoi Kusama

As I fly through the clouds and watch the world pass beneath me. I find myself contemplating who I am. Not before man, but before God. It is amazing to me that my whole world depends on a daily living, living it as only I can and know how. Living it among so many. A daughter of Eve, I believe it is the correct reference… at least according to “Narnia.”

Raqui on plane blogging

Yet, I am amazed at the world above us. We walk and search the grounds without even searching the skies. To see the beauty of it all from above reminds me of Ecclesiastics: life is meaningless. It is meaningless because without having a purpose, our life is meaningless.

What then gives meaning to a life that walks the earth? Could it be the infinite love of the creator who placed us here? Or could it be just a coincidence? But one who truly searches for answers will not agree with the answer being coincidence. It is more than that. Because if it was so, then how can you look at the clouds alone and see their amazing infinite forms and think of it all as coincidence? There is something bigger, more amazing than it all.

In this sense, if the clouds can be so overwhelming in their beauty and form, how much more can life itself be? If the clouds can have a unique purpose and be constantly changing and reforming, yet meet their purpose. How much more can one life be unique in its form and purpose yet continue to change to meet that purpose? Even the clouds have meaning.

IMG_0749Then, what meaning can my life have? Even a greater one. A greater, amazing, infinite meaning. A meaning with even greater purpose. A meaning that I can only have if I allow myself to see it from the Creator’s point of view. Meaning, if I allow Him to change me and form me to meet His purpose. If God can see significance in the clouds that we fly by, how much more significance is my life to Him. And if my Life is important to Him, so is everyone else’s.

Then I wonder, how many lives are walking on the ground feeling helpless? How many lives walk as if they have no meaning? How many lives walk the ground without looking up? Without searching beyond their daily living? Do they find their lives busy, but empty? Maybe used and empty. Maybe they just survive but do not enjoy living?

If the lives that are on the ground are as endless as the clouds of the sky… can they be formed in infinite ways? Imagine how many beautiful unique lives God created. Each with meaning, each with purpose each formed and reformed specially to meet His purpose. How does our Creator God fit in it all of this? What is His purpose?  Well, He gives meaning. He gives us a solid purpose (unlike the clouds). He gives us LIFE. He allows us to walk the earth to live a life of freedom. Hoping that we will in turn allow Him to reform us to live for Him. I believe that in forming us, He hopes that at some point we look up and find an infinite God who sees us, who loves us and who wants us to live with meaning. To find meaning in all that we do and learn from those life decisions that we didn’t do well on. To see Life as He intended it, through His son Jesus Christ. And to reach for the skies in pursuit of Holiness, constantly reflecting His Holy love on this earth. To LIVE for HIM.

Clouds & rainbowWhat then do we do in return?  To be a cloud. I myself can only use the life that He has given me in a way that it can fulfill His purpose. Allowing God to form me constantly, so that I may walk the earth serving Him. Loving my Creator God with all my being. Showing Him how grateful I am for the Life He has given me. To live my life for Him as uniquely as He has formed me to be, being His cloud and rising above…